NEARLY SEWAGE from the Home Page

 

The casualty report for the event is still unclear, though as Julia Van Horn admits, "I'm pretty sure at least two people died down there." Graphic death aside, Planeteer Mallory Richards predictably kicked off the festivities with her descent into the murky waters of the reserve at the start of the project. "She had to cross a horizontal ladder that acted as a bridge over very shallow but very filthy water" described David Panek, a Planeteer of the heart committee who is no stranger to Richards' "remarkable ineptitude when it comes to balancing of any kind." Richards, fumbling precariously across the bridge, appeared to have a chance of making it to the other side, when she inevitably stumbled on the last rung, plunging her leg through the ladder to the water below. Still moving forward, Richards collapsed over the last part of the ladder onto the mud, only to the stoic stares of her fellow Planeteers just a few feet away. "No one even laughed," said Panek, "it was too predictable to be funny." Planeteers, simply stunned as she crawled from her position in the muck, reported that "I'm surprised she hadn't learned her lesson already."

     On another occasion during the morning, Evan Aguirre, a leading member of the Fire committee, attempted to cross a small ravine that, "I swear to God, looked dry at the time." Aguirre alleges that his reasoning for the jump was simply to retireve a Safeway Select aluminum can, "which I deduced was left by a conniving Safeway employee." To the anxious eyes of Kevin Williams and nearby Joe Garrity, another ill-prepared Planeteer, Aguirre prepared for his leap with a long running start. As he sprinted for the creek, Aguirre is said to have "squarely placed every ounce of his body weight on his launching place," effectively immersing his leg knee-deep in the thick, fragrant mud. Aguirre, reasonably surprised, continued forward, trudging at a running pace through the stink pudding. Upon reaching the far side, stumbling and shocked, Aguirre was greeted only by the doubled figures of Williams and Garrity in complete hysteria. 

    By the end of the morning, Aguirre was not unique in his mud-caked legs. Ty Truong-Jones, a member of the under-represented Heart committee, emitted a short burst of terror as his fellow Planeteers turned in horror. Truong-Jones, Knee-deep in a soft ravine, stood precariously in a media "that was as close to [darned] quicksand as it could be." Aguirre, empathizing with his fallen comrade, rushed to his aid and dramtically pulled his fellow Planeteer from the wreckage,  "with tears streaming down his face from where I was standing," reports Adam Silva.

     Besides ridding the area of a wide spectrum of refuse, from aluminum cans to fellow Planeteers, members of the DHS Captain Planet Club left shell-shocked from the events of the morning, and as one reports, "I'm glad we did it, but I really wonder if we'll survive our K2 climb in November."